Revolutionising child care post divorce

New strategies for modern families

The concept of “family” is changing. It no longer automatically implies a heterosexual couple and 2.4 children. Same-sex couples adopt or have their own children, either through donor insemination or surrogacy. As more marriages end in divorce, we see more blended families as individuals find new life partners, with or without re-marrying. Greater mobility means some families negotiate international contact arrangements. Child care and contact has evolved from the traditional maternal home and weekend paternal visits. Modern families are adopting innovative strategies to ensure the best interests of their children are served. The old notions of “custody” and “access” (now referred to as “care” and “contact” under the Children’s Act 38 of 2005) are being redefined with new models that prioritise flexibility, collaboration, and the wellbeing of children. We outline some contemporary approaches that are revolutionising child care.

Co-parenting models

In the realm of family law, unconventional co-parenting arrangements are becoming more popular. Traditional care and contact schedules fail to adequately address the dynamic needs of modern families. Instead, progressive strategies are employed.

Rather than the revolving weekend agenda, some families are adopting schedules where children spend alternating weeks or months with each parent. This allows for more extended periods of stability and deeper bonding with each parent. Such arrangements can be particularly beneficial in reducing the stress and logistical challenges that come with frequent transitions. However, the needs and personality of the child must be carefully considered before adopting this approach. Some children find it too disruptive to move house every week and feel they don’t have a “permanent” home. It should also not be considered for very young children, who won’t understand the arrangement and will just find it confusing.

Ensuring that children get to enjoy holidays with both parents can be challenging. Shared holiday schedules, where parents alternate or share holidays, offer a balanced approach and create memorable experiences for the children. This can be particularly enriching as children benefit from experiencing different traditions, if the parents come from diverse cultural or religious backgrounds. Depending on the level of acrimony between parents, these provisions can either be carefully set out in the parenting plan or the exact arrangements can be decided by informal agreement.

A novel approach, yet to gain significant traction, is where the children remain in one home while the parents take turns living with them. This minimises the disruption to the children’s daily routines, providing continuity and permanence for them. Co-housing can be a practical solution for families determined to prioritise the children’s comfort and consistency in their living arrangements. However, in practice, parents are rarely able to make such an arrangement succeed on a long-term basis. It works best when the two homes are geographically nearby, but is still likely to lead to conflict over who ultimately “owns” each home and how the homes are practically arranged.

Tech-savvy parenting

The advent of technology has introduced a range of tools to assist parents in their co-parenting relationship. In high-conflict divorces, parents are encouraged to attend co-parenting classes before their parenting arrangements can be finalised. Co-parenting apps are gaining popularity in managing the complexities of shared parenting and can help parents maintain a harmonious relationship. Apps can help with:

• Any form of scheduling required between parents, such as coordinating school activities, visitation times, and extracurricular events. This ensures both parents are always on the same page and the child’s schedule is well managed.
• Managing and splitting costs related to the child’s upbringing. This type of tool can reduce financial disputes by providing transparency and accountability and a clear history of each parent’s contributions.
• Facilitating clear and documented communication between parents, thus reducing misunderstandings and conflicts. This contributes to a cordial relationship between parents, which is vital for the child’s wellbeing.

By leveraging technology, families can maintain a stable and organised environment for their children, even amidst the sometimes hectic dynamics of shared parenting. A few of the apps include OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents and Co-Parenter.

Mediation over litigation

In the pursuit of flexible and tailored care and contact arrangements, mediation and collaborative law offer significant advantages over traditional litigation. These methods emphasise cooperation and mutual agreement, without resorting to formal and expensive court proceedings. A focus on mediation allows flexibility. Unlike court-imposed rulings, mediated agreements can be tailored to the unique needs of the family, allowing for more creative and personalised solutions that better fit the family’s circumstances.

Mediation also fosters a less adversarial environment, which is crucial for the emotional wellbeing of children. It encourages parents to work together rather than against each other, reducing the stress and anxiety that children often experience during custody battles. Resolving disputes through mediation is usually quicker and less costly than lengthy court battles. This not only saves time and resources but also helps in quickly establishing a stable arrangement for the children.

Child preferences

Section 10 of the Children’s Act states that “every child that is of such an age, maturity and stage of development as to be able to participate in any matter concerning that child has the right to participate in an appropriate way and views expressed by the child must be given due consideration.” In the spirit of the Children’s Act, there has been a growing trend in child care arrangements which incorporate children’s preferences (considering their age and maturity). This approach involves engaging with the children in conversations about their wishes and concerns. Being consulted gives children a sense of involvement and ensures their voices are heard.

Children’s views should be engaged appropriately for their developmental stage. Younger children may express simple preferences, while older children can provide more detailed input. With younger children, play therapists and psychologists can assist with ensuring the voice of the child is heard through different methods. But parents and mediators must carefully weigh the child’s preferences against practical and other considerations.

Cultural and social sensitivity

In our multicultural society, families must adapt custody arrangements to respect cultural and social differences. Recognising and incorporating cultural traditions and practices into parenting plans has become common, ensuring children remain connected to their cultural heritage.

Other social dynamics can influence family relationships and child development. Parents and other decision-makers must be sensitive to the roles of extended family, community expectations, and social norms. Arrangements that are inclusive and respectful of all family members’ backgrounds and beliefs will foster an environment of acceptance and respect, which is crucial for the child’s emotional development.

Get professional help with parenting issues

By focusing on the child’s needs and fostering a cooperative spirit among parents, modern co-parenting arrangements can significantly enhance the quality of life for children. The key lies in being open to new ideas and approaches and in recognising that traditional models may not serve the best interests of today’s families.

SD Law is a law firm in Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban with expertise in family law. If you need help with child care and contact or a parenting plan, call Simon on 086 099 5146 or email sdippenaar@sdlaw.co.za. We’ve helped many families reach agreement on complex parenting issues.

Further reading:

• Emotional intelligence in child care and contact matters
• Child relocation
• Child-centred Divorce Month

Divorce Attorney Cape Town

http://divorceattorneycapetown.co.za/

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