Soft skills are vital in a divorce lawyer
Divorce is never a pleasant experience, however amicably the spouses may hope to approach the process. When there are minor children involved, the divorce can become contested, because emotions run riot and parents are unable to resolve their differences calmly and reasonably – and out of court. Mediation may be used but, unfortunately, sometimes even the most skilled mediator does not succeed in helping the couple reach agreement. When a divorce is contested, particularly around issues of child care and contact, a family lawyer must not only draw on their knowledge of the law, but on so-called “soft skills”, such as communication and emotional intelligence, or EQ. The ability to craft effective divorce communication not only enables a lawyer to advocate for their client, it ensures professionalism and integrity.
Correspondence in contested divorce litigation
Because it is important to have a written record of negotiating points in litigation, correspondence between attorneys is a critical component of any case. A “lawyer’s letter” exerts influence in many walks of life, where a bit of pressure needs to be applied to an adversary. In a divorce case the nature of the correspondence can significantly influence the course of the litigation. Tone, style, and length all impact how the message is received by the other party. Some attorneys adopt an aggressive, accusatory or blame-casting style, especially when stakes are high. However, while this approach may be dramatic, it is not necessarily effective. An inflammatory tone of voice will often escalate conflict, while a professional tone that focuses on facts and constructive dialogue is more likely to resolve disputes.
In a divorce case involving minor children, the children’s best interests must come first. This principle should guide all communications. Unfortunately, the reality is that the best “blamer” often wins in family court. The one who shouts the loudest shouts the other down. This often results in correspondence that is manipulative and misleading and creates a false narrative. It is not the most ethical way to behave, and attorneys who strive to uphold high ethical standards are often frustrated when the opposing attorney engages in these tactics.
The challenge of disinformation
It is said that “The amount of energy necessary to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than that needed to produce it.” This is particularly true in legal correspondence, where debunking false claims and misleading arguments can be exhausting and time-consuming. Misinformation and disinformation are not unique to the legal profession; they are particularly prolific in politics, and business is also not exempt. Both spread quickly and distort the truth, requiring substantial effort to correct.
The way to counteract mis/disinformation is to provide clear information based on facts and evidence. A good divorce lawyer needs to be skilled at analysing and interpreting arguments, finding the flaws in the other side’s logic, and presenting a coherent case.
Handling narcissistic and egotistical correspondence
Dealing with narcissistic or egotistical opponents in correspondence can be particularly challenging. They may use tactics like gaslighting, setting traps, or twisting facts to their advantage. They often present their side as blameless while maligning and even defaming the other. These communications are often loaded with false statements but the skilled lawyer must patiently and calmly refute malicious claims with facts and not fall into the trap of exchanging insults or accusations.
The art of legal writing lies in the ability to critique and counter arguments effectively, without stooping to the same level of manipulative tactics as the opposing counsel.
The role of an effective divorce lawyer
The effective divorce lawyer, especially in the context of a contested divorce, is one who can communicate clearly and concisely, sticking to the facts. They also need to understand the psychological and emotional dynamics at play. Any lawyer with enough resources can win cases; an effective and ethical attorney upholds the values of justice, integrity, and compassion, even in the face of difficult and less scrupulous opponents. The divorce lawyer’s task is not just to represent their clients but to do so with integrity, professionalism, and respect for all parties involved.
If you are considering divorce
The correspondence exchanged between attorneys in a divorce case has a critical role to play in the eventual outcome. At SD Law we behave ethically in every aspect of your divorce. But we also know that divorce is about more than paperwork. Respect for all individuals involved and a children-first approach are the hallmarks of our philosophy. We believe everyone has the right to divorce with dignity. Contact Simon on 086 099 5146 or email sdippenaar@sdlaw.co.za to discuss your case in confidence. SD Law and Associates are experienced family law attorneys in Cape Town and Johannesburg who will look after your interests and ensure a fair settlement that respects all parties.
Further reading:
Divorce Attorney Cape Town
http://divorceattorneycapetown.co.za/The information on this website is provided to assist the reader with a general understanding of the law. While we believe the information to be factually accurate, and have taken care in our preparation of these pages, these articles cannot and do not take individual circumstances into account and are not a substitute for personal legal advice. If you have a legal matter that concerns you, please consult a qualified attorney. Simon Dippenaar & Associates takes no responsibility for any action you may take as a result of reading the information contained herein (or the consequences thereof), in the absence of professional legal advice.